Have you noticed a friend, partner, or co-worker who might be struggling? Check in with them and connect by encouraging meaningful conversation to let them know you care. Check in with yourself, too. Stop undervaluing the vital role you play in your family and workplace and take proactive steps to move from surviving to thriving.
This parenting gig is hard. Way harder than most of us imagined. And we can be reluctant to talk about the challenges of parenthood for fear of sounding ungrateful that we are parents, sending out a message that we don’t love our kids as much as we should, or coming across as incapable or weak.
From the loneliness of parental leave when you’d give your right arm to chat to an adult about last night’s reality TV, to the self-doubt that perhaps yelling was not the ideal way to handle that situation with your threenager — the reality is that every parent struggles through difficult days.
For some parents it’s more serious: perinatal depression and anxiety affects up to one in five new mothers and one in ten new fathers who struggle with the adjustment to parenthood.
But exhaustion, confusion, isolation, and guilt are all commonly felt by parents, even if they don’t identify with a more serious mental health condition. Often, an open chat with a good listener or an innocent laugh with a friend or co-worker might be enough to put a smile on a struggling parent’s face and turn their day around. Not to mention yours. So, it’s important we look out for ourselves and others.
Prioritize your happiness
It’s not selfish; it’s self-preservation. It means that you can have more energy for your family, friends, and work; and who benefits the most from that? Do what brings you joy more often. Fit your emergency mask before helping others. Stop putting it off. Take some small steps to make this happen for you. You know what you need; it’s time to make it a priority.
In those moments when there is a chasm between your ‘ideal self’ and reality, talk to yourself like you would your best friend. Parenting (and the juggle with work) can be so hard; so be compassionate.
Connect with people
We all know the struggle well. I haven’t met a parent who has it all together all of the time. We all have down days and anxious moments. Talk with others. Share your challenging days as well as your awesome days. Chances are, others have been there too.
Make an appointment with your general practitioner
If you’ve been struggling for a while, speak with your health practitioner about how you’ve been feeling. Ask for help. Get a referral to a psychologist.
Check in with friends and co-workers
You may not have heard from someone in a while, or you noticed they didn’t seem themselves when you last caught up. Ask if they’re OK and spend time talking together. Be present. Listen without judgment and without solving their problems. Ask how they can take action and offer your support. Then follow up.
Be honest with friends about your struggles
Your vulnerability and transparency normalizes things for others and opens the door for people to share their own concerns.
Do random acts of kindness
See a neighbor who’s stressed or crying? Put a ‘You’re awesome!’ card in their letterbox. Pay for a coffee in advance at your local café and ask that it be gifted to a parent with a newborn. Leave a meal on the doorstep of a friend you know is having a rough time. As the giver, you will feel the benefits as much as the receiver!
If you or someone you know is struggling, there are some wonderful organizations that can help. Don’t be afraid to ask.
Written by the team at Circle In in conjunction with Belinda Haan. Belinda Haan is an advocate for parents taking care of themselves first. Self-care is ultimately a commitment to peak performance and it involves far more than a yoga class.
If you or someone you love needs support, speak with a trusted health professional or crisis support hotline in your area.