The long and short of it:
- To support an employee at work through separation or divorce in their personal life, make yourself available and approachable, get familiar with the organizational policies and support you can extend to the employee, offer as much flexibility to their work arrangements as possible, keep a list of professional support organizations handy that you can share with them when needed, and stop workplace gossip in its tracks. If the employee is in a vulnerable domestic situation, have procedures in place to ensure the employee is safe at work.
- Managers can provide employees with emotional support by watching out for differences in mood or behavior that could suggest the employee is having difficulties at home, working collaboratively with the employee to find solutions that will ensure minimal disruption to their work and better well-being, being compassionate, and maintaining confidentiality.
Divorce or separation is a personal situation that an employee might not feel comfortable disclosing to anyone, not even their manager. But because it can have an impact on their emotional state and work performance, an employee might choose to confide in someone at work to explain the difficulties they’re facing. To minimize the emotional impact on the employee and help them continue doing their work, employers can offer support through constructive advice, cooperation, and flexibility. It’s a balance between being empathetic and compassionate while also being professional.
The dos and don’ts of managing an employee through separation or divorce include:
Do
Prepare
- Make yourself available and approachable so employees can feel comfortable coming to you for support. You can do this by responding positively to requests to talk, validating employees’ feelings, sharing some of your own personal experiences, asking after employees and their families, and actively listening when employees talk or share.
- Get to know your organization’s human resources policies on relevant issues like family and domestic violence leave, caregiver’s leave, and compassionate leave, so you can offer the right support at the right time.
- Seek the well-being resources and support available from HR (including the Circle In platform) and refer it on.
- Keep track of any new or existing government initiatives that can help employees during a time of crisis.
Practical support
- Offer more leeway on flexible working arrangements. A recent survey in the UK by Rayden Solicitors revealed that 33% said this was the most helpful thing HR could have offered to support the employee as they adjust to new personal circumstances or attend separation proceedings.1
- Offer compassionate leave. 32% of survey respondents said this would’ve helped.
- Provide them with details of the company’s employee assistance program if available, as it offers a host of support and advice including counseling.
- Look into organizations that offer professional advice and information about how to manage relationship breakdowns and inform the employee about these. This could range from a specialist family lawyer to domestic abuse support, counseling, health-related services, and financial advice. See helpful links below.
- Inform the employee about the support they can expect to receive and the employer’s obligations, including specific policies for victims of domestic abuse.
- If you’re aware of a restraining order against the other party or threat of danger, make relevant provisions for this, such as walking the employee to their car or informing reception of the other party’s details (discreetly).
- Apply the same performance standards, with gentle reminders, and without harsh criticisms. Providing a work environment that is consistent and provides some normalcy for the employee may be the safe haven and distraction the employee needs.
- Try to address office gossip because it won’t only hurt the employee’s feelings but also company morale. Perhaps issue written or verbal warnings to those engaging in this.
Emotional support
- Be attuned to the difficulties faced by the employee.
- Recognize not only is every relationship breakdown different, but also that each person will deal with and respond differently. Adapt your approach and policies to each situation accordingly.
- Take the time to listen and give the employee time and space to express their emotions.
- Work collaboratively with the employee, remaining professional whilst being compassionate.
- Keep the information shared with you confidential and only speak with them about it in private settings.
Don’t
- Assume they’ll be emotional or unstable and not able to take on additional work.
- Ask about the divorce or separation without them mentioning it first. If you want to ask after the employee, ask general questions about how they’re feeling.
- Become an employee’s personal confidante and don’t ask a lot of questions about the employee’s problems. Try to read and understand other people’s needs and concerns while keeping everyone focused on accomplishing work.
Conversation starters
- Let the employee know that they do not need to go through this alone and that apart from family and friends, there are resources available at work and in the community that can assist them practically and emotionally.
- Know the signs of when the employee might be reaching a high-stress point or when judgment mistakes are occurring, and let the employee know that you are concerned.
- You can simply ask, “Do you feel like you’ve got a handle on it?” And if they do, you can say, “Let’s just keep in touch. If it’s getting a bit much, feel free to come to me and we can do some more problem solving and make further adjustments if necessary.”
- Ask what both of you can do together to address the issue of performance and work during the difficult period. Try to use the word ‘we,’ as in “How can we support you?”
In the long run, it’s beneficial for an organization to prioritize fostering an empathetic workplace where people feel comfortable discussing their home life and personal challenges with the team and you. Providing support early will make a great difference towards a more positive transition for the employee through their separation or divorce while managing their work-life in the best way possible too.
Helpful links:
Circle In resources for employees navigating separation:
- How to minimize the negative impacts of divorce on your children
- Up your co-parenting communication game with these online resources
- Co-parenting after separation and divorce
- The how and why of practicng gratitude
- Making friends with stress
US
- American Psychological Association
- American Bar Association
- American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers
- Parents Without Partners
UK
Australia
- Family Relationships Online
- Relationships Australia
- Federal Circuit and Family Courts of Australia
- Council of Single Mothers and Their Children
Singapore
New Zealand
Canada
Sources:
1 Kent E, The 2021 divorce in the workplace UK study – Are companies set up to support employees?, Rayden Solicitors, April 2021
Magnussen M, Minimising the impact of separation and divorce in the workplace, HR Magazine, February 2015
Williams S, Providing HR support for employees with relationship difficulties, HR Magazine, January 2022
Smith A, How to avoid missteps when an employee goes through a divorce, SHRM, October 2018
O’Hara C, How to manage an employee who’s having a personal crisis, HBR, July 2018
Williams E, How to support an employee going through a divorce, HR Daily, November 2019
This content is made available for informational purposes only. It does not necessarily reflect the policy or position of your organization or the laws in your country. Please contact your human resources department for information specific to your region.
Last updated: August 2022
