As someone who never imagined themselves as a mother, my journey into parenthood has been filled with unexpected lessons and so much love. Initially, I wasn’t driven by the idea of having children and didn’t see myself as a mother. Even now, people often assume that I couldn’t have more kids or that I might want more, but one child has made our family complete. Having one child allows me to offer my daughter experiences she might not have had as part of a larger family.
Given my high risk for postnatal depression, I knew I needed a lot of structure and support in my life before having my daughter and part of this has been specifically seeking out roles that allow me to work from home and tailor my hours to fit my family’s needs. The thought of doing school drop-off, then rushing to the city for a full day at the office, and then returning for pick-up seems nearly impossible to me.
Before becoming a parent, I ran my own agency for ten years. When I got pregnant and faced complications, I scaled back my work. I wanted a job where I could share the burden and not have all the pressure on me, especially with the overwhelming responsibility of raising a small human. I needed more scaffolding and support and felt that being surrounded by others experiencing the same challenges would help. I can attest that it has! As a people leader I’m really committed to practicing what I preach and make sure that I ‘leave loudly’, so that my team feel like they don’t need to “hide” that they are parents at work.
That said, balancing work and caregiving is a constant journey for me. I can’t parent and work simultaneously and find it difficult to run a meeting while handling requests for snacks and need a clear division between my work and home life to excel in both areas. I’m so fortunate to work in an environment where I don’t have to do both at the same time. I can schedule my work around school events (my daughter is so grateful for this!) and pick-up times, which greatly reduces stress.
I’ve also benefited from the wisdom of friends who had children before me and the invaluable support of grandparents, especially during school holidays. A typical day for me starts with school drop-off, which I share with my husband. I work from home, and since my daughter’s school is just five minutes away, I can pick her up in the afternoon. However, those hours between 3:30pm and 5:30pm can be a juggle, and I try to avoid scheduling meetings during that time to manage her needs better.
One way I manage the juggle is making time for myself by thinking like my husband! I put on my running shoes, announce that I’m heading out, and leave! I can tell when I haven’t made time for myself because I become short-tempered and grumpy. Parenting can be overwhelming, and sometimes I need a few minutes of quiet to recharge. I often say to my daughter that I need 5 minutes of quiet, or we play the “quiet game” where the first person to talk loses. As an only child, she wants to be around me all the time, so I need to consciously remove myself from parenting so that I can be the best mum.
My advice for other caregivers is practical and relatable. Little things can make a big difference, like having two lunchboxes to avoid morning scrambles or having extra pairs of school socks for those weekends when the laundry doesn’t get done. Remember, you can only control what you can control. When the combination of working and parenting becomes overwhelming, I focus on the small sliver of things I can impact. Parenting courses like Circle of Security and Triple P have also helped me manage my Type A tendencies. They remind me that I only need to be a good enough parent 30% of the time for my child to have a strong attachment.
