Among other things, I am a mother to a tween and teen and a marketing lead at a start-up that puts family first. Not a day goes by where I don’t thank my lucky stars that flexibility and ducking off to school pick up is the norm, not the exception.
But it hasn’t always been like this. When I first had children, I worked in government and while I thought it would be the all star of family-friendly, it wasn’t. When I returned to work after having my son, I was given less meaningful and less meaty work. I missed having “ownership” of the projects I had previously enjoyed, so after a few years (and my daughter’s birth), I made the call to go freelance. At the time, good part-time jobs were pretty rare.
I had ten years of being my own boss and it was wonderful. I fit work in the hours I wanted, and was there for every athletics carnival, dance rehearsal and basketball game. I felt like I had struck the ultimate balance. COVID changed all that and I started to feel like I wanted something else, to be part of something bigger than myself and the business I had grown.
I was so blessed to find my current role. It ticks all my boxes. Part time. Family-friendly. Great work. Great people.
Having grown up in a migrant, ethnic household, it was the (my) norm to have a parent around on any given day. I wanted that for my kids too, so have only ever worked part-time since having them (I absolutely acknowledge my privilege). It was also the norm for my parents to visit their parents every day and look after them.
While my children don’t “need” me as much anymore, I am now navigating the new season of looking after an aging parent, so often, my “day off” is spent caring for my mum. I am officially entering my sandwich caregiving era. And while I won’t and can’t visit her every day, I help her a lot with tech issues, household maintenance, medical support, and keeping her company. It is definitely an extra dimension to an already busy life, but it’s mine and I’m okay with it. Luckily, my two siblings also help. And my mum never pressures us unlike her parents!
Like any wave we ride as caregivers, things will change (especially as mum gets older), but for now, I am managing the calm(ish) waters. Of course, teenage grumps, tween attitude and SOS calls from my mum about how to log into Netflix are regular occurrences, but nothing we can’t handle as a family. I love watching my kids reveal themselves in this adolescent phase; they are so much fun and such interesting young people. Just the other day, a school parent told me that she heard my 10 year old daughter call out a kid at school for his “toxic masculinity”. I’d be lying if I didn’t feel immense pride in that moment!
What have I learnt in my caregiving journey so far?
- Stay in your lane – it’s about your family and what feels right for you and your children.
- When I feel stressed in a parenting moment, I ask myself, will this matter in one day, one week, one year? The answer is usually no!
- Learning to navigate parenting and amping up care for an elderly parent is an education in itself.
